I’m often the only dad in the room—at school pickup, at ballet and gymnastics classes, at toddler time and library story time. So every time I walk into these events, with my daughter holding my hand, there’s a thought, not incredibly loud or insistent, but one I am certainly aware of nonetheless: “This is a Mom’s space, you don’t belong here.”
And to be fair, moms have more than earned that reputation. They’ve been the schedulers, the snack-packers, the glue-stick finders, the ones who somehow know it’s “crazy sock day” without a single reminder. Walking into these spaces sometimes feels a bit like showing up late to a group project where one group has clearly been doing excellent work for years.
But more and more, it’s becoming something else, too. It’s becoming a parenting space, not just a mom’s space. A space where I do belong, even if I’m still getting used to seeing more dads step into it.
No one has ever said I don’t belong. No one has been rude or outwardly unwelcoming. In fact, most interactions are warm and friendly, but there are small remarks that make me feel uncomfortable, such as “Looks like your wife is taking the day off” or “I guess it’s Dad’s day to babysit!” Comments that aren’t meant to be insulting, but don’t quite reflect the reality of what’s happening.
I know that, in general, dads haven’t always been as present in day-to-day parenting as moms. I know dads who still talk about “babysitting” their own kids. There’s a reason those stereotypes exist, but things are shifting. More dads are showing up, being involved, and embracing the full role of parenting (even if we occasionally pack the wrong snack or forget it was, in fact, crazy sock day.)
And if we want that to continue, if we want dads to keep showing up and taking on the role that should absolutely be expected of them, it helps to make space for that change. Sometimes that just means choosing language that recognizes dads as parents, not as stand-ins.
Because the more that’s reinforced, the more natural it becomes. For everyone.
– Bill Hunsinger is the proud dad of a 5-year-old daughter, Ripton Select Board Member, and Vermont Progressive Party Chair
Do you have a story to share about life with young kids in Addison County? We’d love to hear from you! Email [email protected].